Parents of the Year
We were never given a manual on how to parent. It is easy to get overwhelmed to know the right thing to do. There is so much contradictory information out there and everyone has their own advice. Parenting is a rewarding but messy, confusing, infuriating, guilt-inducing, and overwhelming journey. While it's easy to get lost, Andrew Stewart, a real dad, and Dr. Caroline Buzanko, a real mom, child psychologist, and parenting expert (who also happens to be married to Andrew) will help you get back on track. In each episode, Andrew and Caroline have open and honest chats about everything parenting. Join them in honesty, laughter, and tears (Caroline is a bit of a cry baby) as they help you navigate this journey of parenting. And, every so often, you may get some gems of expert advice. Our goal is to make your parenting journey less stressful, more forgiving, and more awesome. Please join us every Wednesday for new episodes of Parenting of the Year.
Parents of the Year
191. Are smartphones quietly rewiring our kids’ brains?
Phones were supposed to make life easier. Instead, many parents feel like they’re raising kids alongside a slot machine that lives in everyone’s pocket.
In this powerful Parents of the Year episode, Andrew and Caroline sit down with MJ Murray Vachon, LCSW to talk about phones, dopamine, porn, AI, and what realistic boundaries look like in 2025. MJ shares what she’s seen across four decades in the therapy room—before and after smartphones—and why today’s kids’ brains are simply not built for the amount of stimulation they’re getting.
You’ll hear why phones are engineered to hook the brain’s reward system, how overuse fuels anxiety, irritability, and low mood, and why “it’s just their social life” is a dangerous myth. MJ explains her ACT phone model (Awareness, Create phone-free time, Take it out of the bedroom), the difference between real connection and “scrolling together,” and why parents have to clean up their own phone use first.
We also wade into the harder territory: early pornography exposure, violent porn, AI chat “friends,” and suicidal threats when phones are taken away. MJ offers concrete language, practical boundaries, and a compassionate approach that centres relationship and safety.
If you’ve ever felt guilty, confused, or totally outgunned by your child’s phone, this episode will give you clarity, language, and next steps you can actually use tonight.
Homework Ideas
Phone Use Awareness (for parents first)
Check your screen time report for a full week. Note:
- Total daily hours
- Top 3 apps
- Times of day you reach for it most
- Journal one line a day: “What was I avoiding or soothing when I reached for my phone?”
Create Phone-Free Blocks (ACT – C)
Choose 1–2 daily blocks where all phones are away and out of reach (e.g., 5–7 pm, mealtimes, bedtime routine)
- Physically store them in another room or lockbox. During those blocks, invite, don’t force:
- Walks
- Baking or cooking
- Board game
- “Nothing time” where people can be bored and see what happens
Take Phones Out of the Bedroom (ACT – T)
Parents go first. Replace your phone with a basic alarm clock or a speaker for music/meditation if needed
- Once you’ve done it for 2–4 weeks, have a family meeting:
- Explain the sleep and brain science (keep it simple: “Brains need dark, quiet, and no pings to reset properly.”)
- Agree as a family: phones docked in a shared space overnight and/or in a lockbox.
Curate the Feed – “You Are What You Scroll”
Together, pick 3–5 things you want more of in life (e.g., art, sport, nature, comedy).
- Follow accounts that actually match those values.
- Unfollow / mute accounts that leave you anxious, angry, or “less than.”
- Watch The Social Dilemma as a family and discuss: What surprised you? What do you want to change about how you use your phone?
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