Parents of the Year
We were never given a manual on how to parent. It is easy to get overwhelmed to know the right thing to do. There is so much contradictory information out there and everyone has their own advice. Parenting is a rewarding but messy, confusing, infuriating, guilt-inducing, and overwhelming journey. While it's easy to get lost, Andrew Stewart, a real dad, and Dr. Caroline Buzanko, a real mom, child psychologist, and parenting expert (who also happens to be married to Andrew) will help you get back on track. In each episode, Andrew and Caroline have open and honest chats about everything parenting. Join them in honesty, laughter, and tears (Caroline is a bit of a cry baby) as they help you navigate this journey of parenting. And, every so often, you may get some gems of expert advice. Our goal is to make your parenting journey less stressful, more forgiving, and more awesome. Please join us every Wednesday for new episodes of Parenting of the Year.
Parents of the Year
181. How can parents set boundaries without punishment?
Parenting expert and therapist Todd Sarner joins Andrew and Caroline to unpack what it really means to guide children without shame or punishment.
From his 20+ years of experience, Todd outlines the three pillars of proactive parenting: strengthening attachment and connection, creating a rhythm and environment that supports kids, and teaching natural consequences without shame.
Together, they explore how separation anxiety shows up at bedtime, mornings, and school transitions, and why “collect before you direct” can change everything. This episode gives parents practical tools to reduce power struggles, hold boundaries with empathy, and raise resilient, emotionally secure kids.
Homework Ideas
Collect Before You Direct: Practice greeting your child warmly (eye contact, smile, touch) before asking them to do something.
Bridging Practice: At goodbyes (bedtime, school drop-off), give your child a clear picture of when and how you’ll reconnect (“I’ll see you in two sleeps” / “When you get home, I’ll have a snack waiting for you”).
Reset Routine: If family rules and follow-through feel inconsistent, hold a “reset” talk with your child: acknowledge the inconsistency, clarify expectations, and explain what will happen moving forward.
Matter-of-Fact Consequences: Next time you enforce a limit, do it calmly and without shame — like Columbo, keep it simple, warm, and firm.
Empathy Check: After holding a boundary, add empathy: “I know this is hard. I love you, and I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
Recommended Resources:
- Hold On to Your Kids by Gordon Neufeld & Gabor Mate
- Parenting with Love and Logic by Charles Fay & Foster Cline
- Parenting Teens with Love and Logic by Charles Fay & Foster Cline
About Todd
Todd Sarner is a parenting coach and psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience helping families turn daily power struggles and emotional chaos into connection, calm, and cooperation at home. His work is grounded in attachment science and practical psychology, with a focus on giving parents real-world tools that actually work—especially when emotions are high and patience is low. Todd was an original intern of renowned developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld and later served as a Faculty Member of the Neufeld Institute, where he trained professionals in attachment-based approaches to parenting.
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